You know how in the news recently, there’s all this guff about Ebola getting into Europe and America? Well, I think I've found the (100% totally legit) truth: This is Mickey Mouse’s fault.
You see, in 1521, Mickey Mouse went on a space mission to Mars. He went insane because of Space Godzilla's diarrhea, and slaughtered his crew, chucking their bodies into the cold, vast emptiness of space, before landing on Mars. Whilst on mars, he found a virus that causes people asses to explode if they catch it. He stayed on Mars for 22222222222 years, since then Earth forgot about him.
When he returned, after making himself immune to the virus through evolution, he started his plan to revive Massive-Wang Satan, he needed sacrifices. So, Mickey infected some people in Africa with the disease, and let it run its course.
Now that Massive-Wang Satan has had enough sacrifices, he’s going to fumble with everybody else’s wangs until they turn into a sugary brown substance.
So, thanks to Mickey Mouse, we’re all going to become dick-fudge.